Shocking Creativity

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AT THE JOB INTERVIEW

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"

NEW SECRETARY

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!"

IN THE SERVICE

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.

have u ever been so tired?

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BOSS

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Interview Rejects

Hello Friends,

We know that interview rejects are very common but on what basis the candidate gets rejected is important, mentioned below are some funny reasons which will definitely bring smile on your face............happy reading.


INTERVIEW REJECTS

Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?

C: I have.

E: Is he working Locally?

C: No. He is working Overseas.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!

C: Why?

E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just

because of u.


Story II

E: Any girl friends?

C: No.

E: So far chased any before?

C: Have, but not successful.

E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a

girlfriend?

C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This

personal issue.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.

C: Why?

E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she pretty?

C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?

C: Yes.

E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.


Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is she your first lover?

C: No. Have a few already.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are

a "grasshopper"!

(Job hoper lah!)

Story V

E: Any boyfriends?

C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ?

C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.

E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even

want to employ you, neither do we!

C: But,...... there is no position in his company.

E: Then,..... what is your qualification?

C: Secretary!

E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will

affect our managers' working spirits.

C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.

E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!

Can be seen in rare time

Worser and Worser

It's getting worser and worser and people are getting dumber and dumber.

How about those child-proof medicine bottles? What are you going to do about that second muscle relaxer pill?

Or those zippers on half-gallon ice cream containers? They never work!

Or why do you get that stuff on your hands when you open a can of tuna?

Or you visit your friend in a half-million dollar house and he tells you to jiggle that knob on the commode. Hundred and fifty year old technology-Can't they get it right.

Ever try to open an new CD? You'll need a hacksaw to take off the shrink wrap.

Or you go in a restaurant with you wife and the waiter says,"Two"---like the invisible man is with you.

And why do I have to dial 10 digits to call my neighbor on the telephone when four numbers used to do the trick?

Years ago, you had two gas pumps and two guys who would put the gas in your car, clean your windshield and check you tires. Now you have 21 pumps and you have to pump the gas yourself, go and stand in line inside the store until the guy with the stay eye says, "May I help, you"?

And they've changed a lot of the words: you don't have and operation-you have a procedure; you ain't got pain, you got discomfort. Even the finance company got in the game: They told me I was overextended; all I know's I'm broke!

And now you got to pay $2.00 more for a cup of coffee you can't pronounce!

And why does that clerk have to make 57 entries in the cash register when I buy a box of computer paper?

And now they got words I don't even understand. Like Proactive-I thought that was something you put on when you were on a wild date. Or Facilitator-who comes up with this stuff!

And warning lables-before you know it, they'll have warning lable on toothpicks!

I'm tell you, it's getting worser and worser!